If you are #stressed out that you may not be treating your children as well as you should, and believe that you need #help you may wish to take out a pen and paper to write down your responses to these statements I’m about to read.
For each statement I make, write down a number, depending on how well it describes you. Write a 1 if the statement doesn’t describe you at all, 2 if it describes you somewhat, or a 3 if it describes you very well. Again, I’ll repeat - Write a 1 if the statement doesn’t describe you at all, 2 if it describes you somewhat, or a 3 if it describes you very well.
1 - ____ I feel emotionally disconnected from my child(ren), and have to #fix relationships
2 - ____ I am #depressed and have trouble meeting my child(ren)’s day-to-day needs, such as dressing, feeding, dropping off to & picking up from school
3 - ____ I use #physically abusive means of conveying my anger, such as pushing, slapping, shoving, or punching.
4 - ____ I believe that when I am #stressed, I am being a bad parent.
5 - ____ My child(ren) trigger #traumatic memories or feelings in me.
6 - ____ I get #anxious it when my child(ren) are “misbehaved.”
7 - ____ Others have expressed concern about how I treat my child(ren).
8 - ____ I need #help, and just want to be left alone and for my child(ren) to be quiet.
9 - ____ My child(ren) suffer from #anxiety and don’t seem to want to be around me.
10 - ____ I get angry and and start #bullying my children over little things, even if I know they aren’t worth it.
Okay, let’s take a look at the numbers you’ve written down. If you’ve written some 2s or 3s, it’s probable that you have developed some troubling patterns in your parenting, and could use some #help to #fix relationships.. However, please take note; this scale is for informational purposes only. It has not been validated by research.
Tips for Being a Better #Parent
If you are not treating your children well, it is absolutely vital that you #cure trauma that you were subjected to, manage your emotions, and develop more appropriate reactions to your children. Here are some suggestions for ways to improve your #parenting:
Learn about age-appropriate behavior in children so your expectations of them will be realistic. For instance, toddlers are unable to sit still for extended periods of time. Knowing this will help you to understand your children’s behavior and not demand too much. Too many urban parents want to enroll their child in a private nursery school. They believe that this will #help their child get a fast start. They don’t realize the great amount of #stress they are placing on their child. Perhaps THEY were
Treat yourself well by exercising, (#not compulsive exercise), making sure you have a support system to #help you with emergencies, eating well, and so on. This will keep you feeling positive, which will make you more equipped to handle your children’s needs and moods in an appropriate way. Feeling sleep-deprived, lonely, or hungry can make you more likely to give in to anger and frustration, so it’s best to take preventative measures.
Develop your #parenting skills through books, seminars, classes, etc. These will give you good advice about managing your anger, setting clear boundaries, and developing effective discipline methods. Plus, this is a good way of developing a support system for yourself with other #parents who are also on the path to improving their #parenting abilities.
Breaking the #Abuse Cycle: Treatment Options
While the suggestions I made above may be #helpful for improving your #parenting skills in the present, it’s also extremely important that you find an effective means of dealing with the troubling experiences of your past. The abuse you suffered is quite possibly at the root of your current parenting issues.
Resolving your memories of when you were abused will enable you to move forward in a positive direction and provide your children with a better upbringing. Seeking treatment to understand and resolve your pain can make you less inclined to take pent-up anger and sadness out on your children.
Generally, working through the #trauma of #abuse is best accomplished with the help of a qualified mental health professional. They are often trained in techniques such as cognitive-behavioral therapy and EMDR, which can be beneficial in dealing with past #traumas and in developing more adaptive thoughts and behaviors.
For example, over the course of your therapy sessions, a psychotherapist might guide you through a range of issues.
For example, your therapist may help you to recognize how the #abuse affected you as a grown person.
Your therapist will validate that your pain is real and is not “all in your head” (well, it is, but that means that it’s in your brain, but you can release that – you are not “mentally ill,” in fact you are a “survivor!”)
He or she can help you place appropriate responsibility on the #abuser (NOT yourself). This will be a safeguard against repeating this pattern with your children.
In therapy, you can also develop a way to cease living half a life, or a life where you alienate others regarding the #abuse. You might be minimizing the #trauma to help yourself cope; working out the pain and letting it release from you will #help you to lead a more robust family life.
Therapy may enable you to enjoy parenting that much more (or when your kids are teenagers, pulling your hair out that much less - just kidding).
Once you’ve begun this process of healing, your therapist can help you develop better methods of managing your emotions, reacting to your children, and parenting more effectively.
Check out the video and audio, “Parenting When You Come From An Abusive Background